Just keep trying

So..Jen had her baby, Niki keeps having contrations. Little Miss Nora wants out when Mommy us at home but when they get to the hospital she becomes stubborn and stops! I am reading about all these people that are pregnant and it makes me sad. I knew losing a baby was hard but didn't know out of nowhere I would get sad and just start crying. I mean I am so happy for Niki, Jen and all the people expecting, after all I have been blessed with 3 children. I just wish I could have been pregnant with my sister or best friend. I am so jealous of Kristin and Bridget, they got to go through everything together and weren't that far apart on due dates. This is Niki's last pregnancy, after Nora comes they are done. My sister-in-law Michelle is done and Lisa and Jason are still trying but they don't live here. :(
People say I am crazy since all the stuff I have gone through with my last 2 kids. I had toxemia with Cooper and he was a month early and put in the NICU. I then was admitted back into the hospital for having fluid in my lungs and around my heart (I was in a padded bed because I was boarderline seizers) and could have died. Then with Dekon I had gestational (got that under control right away) but then had to have an emergency C-section and he was given CPR because he wasn't breathing when he was born and then sent to the NICU also. I then got infection in my stomach from my C-section and was cut open on the table with NO NUMBING MEICATION! just a scalpel! (It took me months to talk about this, I cried for weeks. I hope no one ever has to go through that)
Like I said I am happy for all these people having babies! I just feel a little selfish. My "baby" was due on my Husbands birthday. And now that will be another day he is depressed. :(

Sorry to vent but this is a blog and it's not like anyone follows me.